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I get plenty of exercise carrying the coffins of my friends who exercise.

Red Skelton

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Red Skelton
Age: 84 †
Born: 1913
Born: July 18
Died: 1997
Died: September 17
Circus Performer
Comedian
Composer
Entertainer
Film Actor
Painter
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Richard Bernard Skelton
Richard Skelton
Richard Red Skelton
Friendship
Exercise
Friends
Coffins
Carrying
Plenty

More quotes by Red Skelton

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A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been going for three months. ' I said, 'How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?' He said, 'All of them. '
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My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.
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Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
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You know, last night it was so cold that my pillow and my sheets fought to see who got under the blankets first.
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Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.
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All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
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No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.
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I left home because I was hungry.
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I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin
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If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.
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Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap
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I don't pick on politicians. They ain't done nothin'.
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I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.
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She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off
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You know how to tell when you're getting old? When your broad mind changes places with your narrow waist.
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Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.
Red Skelton
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Imitation isn't the sincerest form of flattery - it's plagiarism.
Red Skelton
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Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Red Skelton
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We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas
Red Skelton
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I only come to life when there are people watching.
Red Skelton