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I get plenty of exercise carrying the coffins of my friends who exercise.

Red Skelton

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Red Skelton
Age: 84 †
Born: 1913
Born: July 18
Died: 1997
Died: September 17
Circus Performer
Comedian
Composer
Entertainer
Film Actor
Painter
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Richard Bernard Skelton
Richard Skelton
Richard Red Skelton
Coffins
Carrying
Plenty
Friendship
Exercise
Friends

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You know, last night it was so cold that my pillow and my sheets fought to see who got under the blankets first.
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Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.
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It proves what they say, give the public what they want to see and they'll come out for it.
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I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin
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All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
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Congress: Bingo with billions.
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Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
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Mom used to say I didn't run away from home my destiny just caught up with me at an early age.
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Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap
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Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.
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Imitation isn't the sincerest form of flattery - it's plagiarism.
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I left home because I was hungry.
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You know how to tell when you're getting old? When your broad mind changes places with your narrow waist.
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Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.
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I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.
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Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.
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My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.
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I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.
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People think I am dead because they haven’t seen me around for awhile. I’m not dead, I’m very much alive, as you can see. Although, there are two things I do before I get up every morning. I look around and if I don’t smell flowers or see candles flickering I go ahead and get up.
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A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been going for three months. ' I said, 'How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?' He said, 'All of them. '
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