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My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.

Red Skelton

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Red Skelton
Age: 84 †
Born: 1913
Born: July 18
Died: 1997
Died: September 17
Circus Performer
Comedian
Composer
Entertainer
Film Actor
Painter
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Richard Bernard Skelton
Richard Skelton
Richard Red Skelton
Looks
Wrinkled
Like
Doctor
Doctors
Dollars
Million
Green
Millions
Look

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We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas
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Imitation isn't the sincerest form of flattery - it's plagiarism.
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I consider the television set as the American fireplace, around which the whole family will gather.
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Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.
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She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off
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Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.
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A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been going for three months. ' I said, 'How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?' He said, 'All of them. '
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You know, last night it was so cold that my pillow and my sheets fought to see who got under the blankets first.
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I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.
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Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.
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It proves what they say, give the public what they want to see and they'll come out for it.
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I get plenty of exercise carrying the coffins of my friends who exercise.
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I don't pick on politicians. They ain't done nothin'.
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Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
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I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.
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I have a sixth sense, but not the other five. If I wasn't making money, they'd put me away.
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If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.
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Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap
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People think I am dead because they haven’t seen me around for awhile. I’m not dead, I’m very much alive, as you can see. Although, there are two things I do before I get up every morning. I look around and if I don’t smell flowers or see candles flickering I go ahead and get up.
Red Skelton