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John Wilkes Booth, who said, Sorry, I thought he was a critic. Never got a dinner!
Red Buttons
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Red Buttons
Age: 87 †
Born: 1919
Born: February 5
Died: 2006
Died: July 13
Comedian
Film Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Aaron Chwatt
Critic
John
Critics
Dinner
Sorry
Thought
Never
Wilkes
Booth
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Moshe Dayan, who said to Sammy Davis, Jr., That's funny, to me you only look half Jewish. Never got a dinner!
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Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner!
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George Washington, who said to his father, Dad, if I never tell I lie, how am I ever gonna become President? Never got a dinner!
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Joe Torre, who switched to first base because he didn't want to go through life as Chicken Catcher Torre. Never got a dinner!
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Joseph Cotten, who said, You know how I got my name? Sammy Davis picked it for me. Never got a dinner!
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Lot, who said to his wife as she was being turned into a pillar of salt, Stop shaking! Never got a dinner!
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Goliath's mother, who said to Goliath, Stop running around with David! You're always coming home stoned! Never got a dinner!
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Steven Spielberg's mother, who said to E.T., I don't care where you're from, you're here and you're gonna get bar mitzvahed! Never got a dinner!
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Crispus Attucks, who said, Don't shoot till you see the whites! Never got a dinner!
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Ray Charles, who said to Stevie Wonder, Maybe we're white. Never got a dinner!
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Uncle Remus, who said to Uncle Ben, You're a credit to your rice. Never got a dinner!
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Helen of Troy, a hooker from Upstate New York. Never got a dinner!
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Zsa Zsa Gabor, the only woman ever to apply for group alimony. Never got a dinner!
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I am always joking and always clowning, giving and helping.
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Ponce de Leon, who said when he discovered the Fountain of Youth, Where the hell are the paper cups? Never got a dinner!
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Alex Hailey, who traced his roots all the way to the back of the bus. Never got a dinner!
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Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner!
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Christopher Columbus, who said to Queen Isabella, No, you got it wrong! The world is round. You're flat! Never got a dinner!
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Alexander Graham Bell's wife, who said to Alex on their wedding night, Your three minutes are up. Never got a dinner!
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