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I am always joking and always clowning, giving and helping.

Red Buttons

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Red Buttons
Age: 87 †
Born: 1919
Born: February 5
Died: 2006
Died: July 13
Comedian
Film Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Aaron Chwatt
Clowning
Joking
Helping
Giving
Always

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E.T., who said to Phyllis Diller, You look weird. Never got a dinner!
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John Wilkes Booth, who said, Sorry, I thought he was a critic. Never got a dinner!
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Alex Hailey, who traced his roots all the way to the back of the bus. Never got a dinner!
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Steven Spielberg's mother, who said to E.T., I don't care where you're from, you're here and you're gonna get bar mitzvahed! Never got a dinner!
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Simon Peter, who embarrassed the other disciples at the Last Supper by asking for seconds. Never got a dinner!
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Goliath's mother, who said to Goliath, Stop running around with David! You're always coming home stoned! Never got a dinner!
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Abraham Lincoln, who said, A house divided... is a condominium. Never got a dinner!
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George Washington, who said to his father, Dad, if I never tell I lie, how am I ever gonna become President? Never got a dinner!
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Sydney Poitier, who said to Lester Maddox, Guess who's not coming to dinner? Never got a dinner!
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King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!
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Joseph Cotten, who said, You know how I got my name? Sammy Davis picked it for me. Never got a dinner!
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Ponce de Leon, who said when he discovered the Fountain of Youth, Where the hell are the paper cups? Never got a dinner!
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The Puerto Rican doctor, who wrote all his prescriptions with spray paint. Never got a dinner!
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Amelia Earhart, who said, Stop looking for me see if you can find my luggage! Never got a dinner!
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Dracula, who said while they drove a wooden stake into his heart, Boy, I sure hope this is heartburn. Never got a dinner!
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Dr. Spock, who said, Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. Never got a dinner!
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Noah's wife, who said to him after 40 days and 40 nights, It's your turn to spread the papers on the floor! Never got a dinner!
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Maid Marion, who said to Robin Hood, I will not live in a house with a Little John. Never got a dinner!
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Helen of Troy, a hooker from Upstate New York. Never got a dinner!
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