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If I have sex, I know my quarterly estimated taxes must be due. And if it's oral sex, I know it's time to renew my driver's license.

Ray Romano

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Ray Romano
Age: 66
Born: 1957
Born: December 21
Actor
Film Actor
Poker Player
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Queens
New York
Raymond Romano
Raymond Albert Ray Romano
Raymond Albert Romano
Must
Oral
Time
Renew
Driver
License
Drivers
Dues
Taxes
Quarterly
Sex
Estimated

More quotes by Ray Romano

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I just don't want to play the same guy again over and over.
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It was very nerve-wracking for me. I had to be drunk and have a threesome. I'm not that guy. Bobby Cannavale is that guy. But it was Vegas and things got crazy, and it happened. We go to Vegas to try to sign Elvis Presley and things get crazy. My character [in Vinyl] is stoned.
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Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.
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Without identical twins, you'll never get to experience entering a hotel room with one of them and watching him run into the full-length mirror because he though he saw his brother.
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The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology.
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I wasn't really that informed about the two-year-old. Oh, I'd read about them, and occasionally I'd see documentaries on the Discovery Channel showing two-year-olds in the wild, where they belong.
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I've had people say to me, 'Look at the sky, the fields, the ocean, the beautiful sunset. Isn't that proof positive of God?' Following that line of thought, look at the magnificent rainbows after a big rainstorm. Isn't that proof positive that God is gay?
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I can't complain about my career, that's for sure.
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Whenever I walk off the golf course, I thank God that I'm able to tell a joke. I thank God I'm good at something.
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After 'Raymond,' there was this big feeling of, 'What do I do next?'
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I like doing film, you know, single-camera.
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Flappers sounds like where waitresses go after they're too old to work at Hooters.
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I am like Hugh Hefner minus anything good about his life.
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The successful golfers - they're like astronauts or pilots. They have that demeanor that they can focus and stay within that one moment and nothing distracts them. That's not me.
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I'd rather be in Las Vegas 104 degrees than New York 90 degrees, you know why? Legalized prostitution. In any weather that takes the edge off.
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That's the one thing I have over any twenty-one-year-old: a proud history of accumulated neuroses. That's the game in which I'm da man.
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I don't know if you want to see the Everybody Loves Raymond guy in a nude scene.
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I'm always giving myself the Alzheimer's test. My shrink told me to do this. It takes one minute. You name every word that comes to mind that begins with the letter F.
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Identical twins. I'm glad they're identical 'cause you save money on photographs. That's what I like. Yeah. Here's my little boy. I got another one just like it.
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I don't think men talk as much as women, but when we have something on our minds we'll get it out.
Ray Romano