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If I have sex, I know my quarterly estimated taxes must be due. And if it's oral sex, I know it's time to renew my driver's license.

Ray Romano

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Ray Romano
Age: 66
Born: 1957
Born: December 21
Actor
Film Actor
Poker Player
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Queens
New York
Raymond Romano
Raymond Albert Ray Romano
Raymond Albert Romano
Taxes
Quarterly
Sex
Estimated
Must
Oral
Time
Renew
Driver
License
Drivers
Dues

More quotes by Ray Romano

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I'm always giving myself the Alzheimer's test. My shrink told me to do this. It takes one minute. You name every word that comes to mind that begins with the letter F.
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I have the show because I'm insecure. It's my insecurity that makes me want to be a comic, that makes me need the audience.
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I don't want to say work is who I am, but some people feel more centered and more whole when they're producing and creating.
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You have to remember: the wife been home all day cleaning asses and feeding faces. Sometimes the opposite.
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My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.
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I don't know if you want to see the Everybody Loves Raymond guy in a nude scene.
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I feel like this is a dream - and I apologize for how I dressed some of you.
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It was very nerve-wracking for me. I had to be drunk and have a threesome. I'm not that guy. Bobby Cannavale is that guy. But it was Vegas and things got crazy, and it happened. We go to Vegas to try to sign Elvis Presley and things get crazy. My character [in Vinyl] is stoned.
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I was wracked with insecurity.
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That's the one thing I have over any twenty-one-year-old: a proud history of accumulated neuroses. That's the game in which I'm da man.
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Identical twins. I'm glad they're identical 'cause you save money on photographs. That's what I like. Yeah. Here's my little boy. I got another one just like it.
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For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to stay married, get two.
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I have this mistress: show business.
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I do know its important to keep the romantic spark alive in your marriage. But with four kids, sometimes it's enough just to keep yourself alive.
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In school, I wasn't a very good student - I was very irresponsible and never did the studying but always liked to get the laugh.
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Flappers sounds like where waitresses go after they're too old to work at Hooters.
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The married man has all but eliminated that worry from his life, simply because his wife knows all about him: the good, the bad, and the tiny.
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Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.
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The first time I played golf was in Flushing Meadows, Queens, when I was about 16 or 17. They had an 18-hole pitch-and-putt. My buddies and I would hop the fence and sneak on and play.
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Each day it's like: 'How many more days am I going to feel young and vibrant? I feel young and vibrant now, but I also feel the aches and pains a little bit.
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