Quote

Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times.

Randy Glasbergen

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Randy Glasbergen
Age: 58 †
Born: 1957
Born: January 1
Died: 2015
Died: August 11
Cartoonist
New York
United States
Like
Humor
Diets
Thousand
Pounds
Lose
Presses
Loses
Thank
Half
Press
Times
Calling
Funny
Weight
Pound
Right
Loss
Eighteen

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Thank you for calling customer service. If you're calm and rational, press 1. If you're a whiner, press 2. If you're a hot head, press 3
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These motivational tapes have really inspired me! I'm going to make a million dollars, buy my own company and retire early. Then, I'm going to write a novel and a symphony and give all the profits to charity. Then next month, I'll figure out how to do it.
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I learned about stress management from my kids. Every night after work, I drink some chocolate milk, eat sugary cereal straight from the box, then run around the house in my underwear screaming like a monkey.
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It's called 'reading'. It's how people install new software into their brains.
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Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I'm being held.
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What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?
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He gave me a copy of The Declaration of Independence, then he got a tattoo that says Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death. I think my boyfriend wants his freedom.
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