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You can't be a person and a lady. If you're a person, you can open the damned door yourself.

Quentin Crisp

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Quentin Crisp
Age: 90 †
Born: 1908
Born: December 25
Died: 1999
Died: November 21
Actor
Autobiographer
Film Actor
Graphic Designer
Model
Socialite
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Writer
Sutton
London
Daniel Pratt
Denis Charles Pratt
Person
Damned
Lady
Door
Doors
Open
Persons

More quotes by Quentin Crisp

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The key is never, never work. Nothing is more aging than work. It's not only the strain of getting up in the morning for work, but it's the resentment that settles on your face
Quentin Crisp
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What matters is not whether you put your fork or knife together because you've finished your meal, or something like that. What matters is that you don't offend people, or hurt their feelings by mistake by saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing.
Quentin Crisp
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Love is the extra effort we make in our dealings with those whom we do not like and once you understand that, you understand all. This idea that love overtakes you is nonsense. This is but a polite manifestation of sex. To love another you have to undertake some fragment of their destiny.
Quentin Crisp
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I had a friend who had two degrees of being made up: when invited I would say 'Can I make up?' and he would say 'Oh yes - tinted?', or he would say, 'Oh yes - clotted?'
Quentin Crisp
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I have to realise that as I am only English and am allowed to live in America, I have to give something in return. And since I cannot build a hospital, or endow a university, I can only give my infinite availability.
Quentin Crisp
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Manners are a way of getting what you want without appearing to be an absolute swine.
Quentin Crisp
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I'm happy. I don't ever have to pay anything, and I don't ever have to wash the dishes, and I don't ever have to behave nicely.
Quentin Crisp
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No effort is required to define or even attain happiness, but enormous concentration is needed to abandon everything else.
Quentin Crisp
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Men get laid, but women get screwed.
Quentin Crisp
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I learned very early in life that I was always going to need people more than they needed me
Quentin Crisp
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An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing.
Quentin Crisp
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I simply haven't the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits and then suddenly stops in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds.
Quentin Crisp
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Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.
Quentin Crisp
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What would you be like if you were the only person in the world? If you want to be truly happy you must be that person.
Quentin Crisp
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The rest of the world in which I lived was still stumbling about in search of a weapon with which to exterminate this monster [homosexuality] whose shape and size were not yet known or even guessed at. It was thought to be Greek in origin, smaller than socialism but more deadly, especially to children.
Quentin Crisp
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Ask yourself, if there was to be no blame, and if there was to be no praise, who would I be then?
Quentin Crisp
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If you live in America, you don't have to work. You can just drift along in the smiling and nodding racket.
Quentin Crisp
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Masturbation is not only an expression of self-regard: it is also the natural emotional outlet of those who...have already accepted as inevitable the wide gulf between their real futures and the expectations of their fantasies.
Quentin Crisp
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Never sweep. After four years the dirt gets no worse.
Quentin Crisp
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Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors.
Quentin Crisp