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If I were God - and I never understand why I'm not - I should say, Shop around, I don't think you'll find a better bargain than here.

Quentin Crisp

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Quentin Crisp
Age: 90 †
Born: 1908
Born: December 25
Died: 1999
Died: November 21
Actor
Autobiographer
Film Actor
Graphic Designer
Model
Socialite
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Writer
Sutton
London
Daniel Pratt
Denis Charles Pratt
Think
Bargains
Thinking
Shop
Shops
Understand
Around
Better
Find
Never
Bargain

More quotes by Quentin Crisp

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Exhibitionists have no friends, no friends at all.
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It is explained that all relationships require a little give and take. This is untrue. Any partnership demands that we give and give and give and at the last, as we flop into our graves exhausted, we are told that we didn't give enough.
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As we all know from witnessing the consuming jealousy of husbands who are never faithful, people do not confine themselves to the emotions to which they are entitled.
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It is not the simple statement of facts that ushers in freedom it is the constant repetition of them that has this liberating effect. Tolerance is the result not of enlightenment, but of boredom.
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Our clothes are too much a part of us for most of us ever to be entirely indifferent to their condition: it is as though the fabric were indeed a natural extension of the body, or even of the soul.
Quentin Crisp
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I am the last of Britain's stately homos.
Quentin Crisp
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I'm happy. I don't ever have to pay anything, and I don't ever have to wash the dishes, and I don't ever have to behave nicely.
Quentin Crisp
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I had a friend who had two degrees of being made up: when invited I would say 'Can I make up?' and he would say 'Oh yes - tinted?', or he would say, 'Oh yes - clotted?'
Quentin Crisp
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However low a man sinks he never reaches the level of the police.
Quentin Crisp
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The absolute nothingness of death is a blessing. Something to look forward to.
Quentin Crisp
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To live in the past is to miss today's opportunities and tomorrow's blessings.
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Never sweep. After four years the dirt gets no worse.
Quentin Crisp
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Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.
Quentin Crisp
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When I was young, I wanted to find the Great Dark Man. When I said that I realise now that people thought that by 'dark' I meant black, and that by 'great' I meant big. Whereas I only meant a strong, mysterious person someone who would 'take me away from all this.'
Quentin Crisp
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Mass-murderers are simply people who have had ENOUGH.
Quentin Crisp
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I was amazed to receive later a substantial sum for sitting in my room and talking about myself. If only I could get some of the back pay!
Quentin Crisp
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Los Angeles is just New York lying down.
Quentin Crisp
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God, from whose territory I had withdrawn my ambassadors at the age of fourteen. It had become obvious that he was never going to do a thing I said.
Quentin Crisp
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What better proof of love can there be than money? A ten-shilling note shows incontrovertibly just how mad about you a man is.
Quentin Crisp
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When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?'
Quentin Crisp