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If I were God - and I never understand why I'm not - I should say, Shop around, I don't think you'll find a better bargain than here.

Quentin Crisp

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Quentin Crisp
Age: 90 †
Born: 1908
Born: December 25
Died: 1999
Died: November 21
Actor
Autobiographer
Film Actor
Graphic Designer
Model
Socialite
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Writer
Sutton
London
Daniel Pratt
Denis Charles Pratt
Never
Bargain
Think
Bargains
Thinking
Shop
Shops
Understand
Around
Better
Find

More quotes by Quentin Crisp

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God, from whose territory I had withdrawn my ambassadors at the age of fourteen. It had become obvious that he was never going to do a thing I said.
Quentin Crisp
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Vice is its own reward. It is virtue which, if it is to be marketed with consumer appeal, must carry Green Shield stamps.
Quentin Crisp
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I don't think I have a tragic demeanor.
Quentin Crisp
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No effort is required to define or even attain happiness, but enormous concentration is needed to abandon everything else.
Quentin Crisp
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You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave.
Quentin Crisp
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The search for a life-style involves a journey to the interior. This is not altogether a pleasant experience, because you not only have to take stock of what you consider your assets but you also have to take a long look at what your friends call “the trouble with you.” Nevertheless, the journey is worth making.
Quentin Crisp
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What matters is not whether you put your fork or knife together because you've finished your meal, or something like that. What matters is that you don't offend people, or hurt their feelings by mistake by saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing.
Quentin Crisp
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When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?'
Quentin Crisp
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An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing.
Quentin Crisp
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Never sweep. After four years the dirt gets no worse.
Quentin Crisp
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Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at which the hearer is permitted to laugh.
Quentin Crisp
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Manners are love in a cool climate.
Quentin Crisp
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The war between the sexes is the only one in which both sides regularly sleep with the enemy.
Quentin Crisp
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I started to shed the monstrous aesthetic affectation of my youth so as to make room for the monstrous philistine postures of middle age, but it was some years before I was bold enough to decline an invitation to Hamlet on the grounds that I knew who won.
Quentin Crisp
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Many [hooligans] discover to their shame that they have scruples they have roots and, greatest disadvantage of all, they have hope. The fathers superior of the order do not try to influence their children in Satan they merely shake their heads in sorrow. They know that the apostate must work out his own damnation.
Quentin Crisp
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I have to realise that as I am only English and am allowed to live in America, I have to give something in return. And since I cannot build a hospital, or endow a university, I can only give my infinite availability.
Quentin Crisp
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In Manhattan, every flat surface is a potential stage and every inattentive waiter an unemployed, possibly unemployable, actor.
Quentin Crisp
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The consuming desire of most human beings is deliberately to place their entire life in the hands of some other person. For this purpose they frequently choose someone who doesn't even want the beastly thing.
Quentin Crisp
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I'm too old to make drawings.
Quentin Crisp
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Masturbation is not only an expression of self-regard: it is also the natural emotional outlet of those who...have already accepted as inevitable the wide gulf between their real futures and the expectations of their fantasies.
Quentin Crisp