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If I were God - and I never understand why I'm not - I should say, Shop around, I don't think you'll find a better bargain than here.

Quentin Crisp

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Quentin Crisp
Age: 90 †
Born: 1908
Born: December 25
Died: 1999
Died: November 21
Actor
Autobiographer
Film Actor
Graphic Designer
Model
Socialite
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Writer
Sutton
London
Daniel Pratt
Denis Charles Pratt
Think
Bargains
Thinking
Shop
Shops
Understand
Around
Better
Find
Never
Bargain

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I had a friend who had two degrees of being made up: when invited I would say 'Can I make up?' and he would say 'Oh yes - tinted?', or he would say, 'Oh yes - clotted?'
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When I was young, I and the whole world thought that all homosexuals were effeminate. And of course they're not. You can just see which people are effeminate that's the only difference. So, I became a prototype of the effeminate man, because I was conspicuously effeminate. But camp is not something I do, it's something I am.
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Why get married? For human beings, marriage is such an unnatural state. If you want monogamy, it has been said, you should marry a swan.
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When asked, 'Shall I tell my mother I'm gay?', I reply, 'Never tell your mother anything.
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Fear and hatred do not seem to find expression in tears.
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Even a monotonously undeviating path of self-examination does not necessarily lead to self-knowledge. I stumble towards my grave confused and hurt and hungry.
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When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?'
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I've always lived in the same way.
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For an introvert his environment is himself and can never be subject to startling or unforeseen change.
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I learned very early in life that I was always going to need people more than they needed me
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I've never not been famous.
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You can behave as badly as you like in America. Nobody notices.
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Never sweep. After four years the dirt gets no worse.
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Never get involved with someone who wants to change you
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Britain cherishes her eccentrics and wisely holds that the function of government is to build a walled garden in which anarchy can flourish.
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There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.
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Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone - but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding.
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If Mr. Vincent Price were to be co-starred with Miss Bette Davis in a story by Mr. Edgar Allan Poe directed by Mr. Roger Corman, it could not fully express the pent-up violence and depravity of a single day in the life of the average family.
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The British do not expect happiness. I had the impression, all the time that I lived there, that they do not want to be happy they want to be right.
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Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.
Quentin Crisp