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Assoon as I stepped out of my mother's womb on to dry land, I realized that I had made a mistake?but the trouble with children is that they are not returnable.

Quentin Crisp

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Quentin Crisp
Age: 90 †
Born: 1908
Born: December 25
Died: 1999
Died: November 21
Actor
Autobiographer
Film Actor
Graphic Designer
Model
Socialite
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Writer
Sutton
London
Daniel Pratt
Denis Charles Pratt
Realized
Trouble
Mistake
Land
Mother
Children
Stepped
Made
Womb
Dry

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I had a friend who had two degrees of being made up: when invited I would say 'Can I make up?' and he would say 'Oh yes - tinted?', or he would say, 'Oh yes - clotted?'
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If you describe things as better than they are, you are considered to be a romantic if you describe things as worse than they are, you will be called a realist and if you describe things exactly as they are, you will be thought of as a satirist.
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When asked, 'Shall I tell my mother I'm gay?', I reply, 'Never tell your mother anything.
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The programs constantly repeat themselves and one another. No one has yet had the nerve to say, 'As we have nothing sensible to tell you between now and 8:30, please tune in again then.
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The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple: you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
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I am the last of Britain's stately homos.
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The absolute nothingness of death is a blessing. Something to look forward to.
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I simply haven't the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits and then suddenly stops in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds.
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In England, nobody's your friend.
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Of course I lie to people. But I lie altruistically - for our mutual good. The lie is the basic building block of good manners. That may seem mildly shocking to a moralist - but then what isn't?
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Europeans are quarrelsome.
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Never sweep. After four years the dirt gets no worse.
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England is very dreary, but I'm a people person.
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You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave.
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There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.
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No effort is required to define or even attain happiness, but enormous concentration is needed to abandon everything else.
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Masturbation is not only an expression of self-regard: it is also the natural emotional outlet of those who...have already accepted as inevitable the wide gulf between their real futures and the expectations of their fantasies.
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You must stop this interview now as I have come to end of my personality.
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The Scots are very hospitable almost as hospitable as the Americans.
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You can't be a person and a lady. If you're a person, you can open the damned door yourself.
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