Quote

I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!

Phyllis Diller

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Ever
Lingerie
Clerks
Sales
Smart
Says
Hate

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

Image
Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
Phyllis Diller
Image
... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
Phyllis Diller
Image
I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
Phyllis Diller
Image
My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
Phyllis Diller
Image
When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
Phyllis Diller
Image
I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
Phyllis Diller
Image
There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
Phyllis Diller
Image
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
Phyllis Diller
Image
This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
Phyllis Diller
Image
When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
Phyllis Diller
Image
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Phyllis Diller
Image
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
Phyllis Diller
Image
Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
Phyllis Diller