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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Clerks
Sales
Smart
Says
Hate
Ever
Lingerie

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
Phyllis Diller
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
Phyllis Diller
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Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
Phyllis Diller
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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
Phyllis Diller
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I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power.
Phyllis Diller
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
Phyllis Diller
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
Phyllis Diller
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
Phyllis Diller
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
Phyllis Diller
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Phyllis Diller
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
Phyllis Diller
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
Phyllis Diller
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
Phyllis Diller