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If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Apples
Adam
Weren
Shape
Shapes
Apple
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
Phyllis Diller
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
Phyllis Diller
My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
Phyllis Diller
My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
Phyllis Diller
I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
Phyllis Diller
I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
Phyllis Diller
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Phyllis Diller
I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
Phyllis Diller
Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
Phyllis Diller
Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
Phyllis Diller
I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
Phyllis Diller
He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
Phyllis Diller
For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
Phyllis Diller
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
Phyllis Diller
My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
Phyllis Diller
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
Phyllis Diller
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Phyllis Diller
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller
It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
Phyllis Diller
