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If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Apples
Adam
Weren
Shape
Shapes
Apple
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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