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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Eye
Hard
Love
Blink
Floor
Romantic
Useless
Husband
Eyes
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
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When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: I'm not losing a son I'm gaining a couch.
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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