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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Love
Blink
Floor
Romantic
Useless
Husband
Eyes
Eye
Hard

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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
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