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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
World
Realize
Parents
Fight
Realizing
Missed
Parent
Argue
Almost
Arguing
Fighting
Watching
War
Normal
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
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I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: I'm not losing a son I'm gaining a couch.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
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I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power.
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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