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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Parents
Fight
Realizing
Missed
Parent
Argue
Almost
Arguing
Watching
Fighting
Normal
War
Realize
World
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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
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We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
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