Quote

Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.

Phyllis Diller

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Water
Times
Three
Oar
Ended
Drive
Carry

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

Image
... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
Phyllis Diller
Image
This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
Phyllis Diller
Image
... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
Phyllis Diller
Image
I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
Phyllis Diller
Image
If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
Phyllis Diller
Image
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
Phyllis Diller
Image
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller
Image
I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
Phyllis Diller
Image
I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
Phyllis Diller
Image
If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
Phyllis Diller
Image
I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
Phyllis Diller
Image
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
Phyllis Diller