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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Oar
Ended
Drive
Carry
Water
Times
Three

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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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self-pity is better than none.
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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
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Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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