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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Tattooed
Chest
Chests
Ship
Ships
Finally
Wanted
Something

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
Phyllis Diller
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
Phyllis Diller