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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Wanted
Something
Tattooed
Chest
Chests
Ship
Ships
Finally

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
Phyllis Diller
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
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Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
Phyllis Diller
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
Phyllis Diller
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Phyllis Diller
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It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
Phyllis Diller