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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Something
Tattooed
Chest
Chests
Ship
Ships
Finally
Wanted

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
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... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
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If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
Phyllis Diller
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
Phyllis Diller
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
Phyllis Diller