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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Ships
Finally
Wanted
Something
Tattooed
Chest
Chests
Ship

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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
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Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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