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When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Used
Play
Letter
Post
Posts
Letters
Office
Dead
Kids

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
Phyllis Diller
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
Phyllis Diller
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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
Phyllis Diller
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
Phyllis Diller
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Phyllis Diller
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
Phyllis Diller
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
Phyllis Diller
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
Phyllis Diller
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There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.
Phyllis Diller
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
Phyllis Diller
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller
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... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
Phyllis Diller
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
Phyllis Diller
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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
Phyllis Diller
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
Phyllis Diller
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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
Phyllis Diller
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
Phyllis Diller
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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
Phyllis Diller
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
Phyllis Diller
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
Phyllis Diller