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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Would
Peek
Like
Alarm
Alarms
Wore
Turning
Dress
Dresses
False

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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.
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If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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