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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
False
Would
Peek
Like
Alarm
Alarms
Wore
Turning
Dress
Dresses

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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
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Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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