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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Turning
Dress
Dresses
False
Would
Peek
Like
Alarm
Alarms
Wore

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We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
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When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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