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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Turning
Dress
Dresses
False
Would
Peek
Like
Alarm
Alarms
Wore

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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
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self-pity is better than none.
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
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