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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Estimate
Shop
Shops
Spent
Seven
Beauty
Hours

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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self-pity is better than none.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
Phyllis Diller
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
Phyllis Diller
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Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
Phyllis Diller
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller
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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
Phyllis Diller
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
Phyllis Diller