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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Years
Bicycle
Bought
Smoking
Saved
Eight
Year
Money

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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.
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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
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