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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Year
Money
Years
Bicycle
Bought
Smoking
Saved
Eight
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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self-pity is better than none.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
Phyllis Diller
