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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Moonlight
Ruins
Better
Look
Looks
Good
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More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
Phyllis Diller
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
Phyllis Diller
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
Phyllis Diller
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... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
Phyllis Diller
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
Phyllis Diller
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
Phyllis Diller
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
Phyllis Diller
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
Phyllis Diller
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
Phyllis Diller
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I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
Phyllis Diller