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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Like
Moonlight
Ruins
Better
Look
Looks
Good

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power.
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
Phyllis Diller
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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
Phyllis Diller
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
Phyllis Diller
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We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.
Phyllis Diller
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
Phyllis Diller
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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
Phyllis Diller
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
Phyllis Diller
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
Phyllis Diller
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
Phyllis Diller