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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Good
Like
Moonlight
Ruins
Better
Look
Looks

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
Phyllis Diller
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
Phyllis Diller
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
Phyllis Diller
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
Phyllis Diller
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
Phyllis Diller
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
Phyllis Diller
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
Phyllis Diller
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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
Phyllis Diller
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I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
Phyllis Diller
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
Phyllis Diller
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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
Phyllis Diller
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
Phyllis Diller
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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
Phyllis Diller
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All mothers are working mothers.
Phyllis Diller
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
Phyllis Diller
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Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
Phyllis Diller
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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
Phyllis Diller
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
Phyllis Diller
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
Phyllis Diller