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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Better
Look
Looks
Good
Like
Moonlight
Ruins
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
Phyllis Diller
I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
Phyllis Diller
My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
Phyllis Diller
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
Phyllis Diller
I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
Phyllis Diller
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
Phyllis Diller
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Phyllis Diller
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller
Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
Phyllis Diller
I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
Phyllis Diller
Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
Phyllis Diller
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
Phyllis Diller
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
Phyllis Diller
I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
Phyllis Diller
Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
Phyllis Diller
It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
Phyllis Diller
Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
Phyllis Diller
[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
Phyllis Diller
I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
Phyllis Diller
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
Phyllis Diller
