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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Stations
Car
Air
Seen
Ever
Limp
Men
Tires
Tire
Station

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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
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When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.
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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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