Quote

Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Air
Seen
Ever
Limp
Men
Tires
Tire
Station
Stations
Car

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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
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When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
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