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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Ever
Limp
Men
Tires
Tire
Station
Stations
Car
Air
Seen
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
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In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
Phyllis Diller
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
Phyllis Diller
Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
Phyllis Diller
Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
Phyllis Diller
