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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Smaller
Younger
Look
Looks
Children
Rent

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
Phyllis Diller
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
Phyllis Diller
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
Phyllis Diller
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When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
Phyllis Diller
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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
Phyllis Diller
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
Phyllis Diller
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I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: I'm not losing a son I'm gaining a couch.
Phyllis Diller
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
Phyllis Diller
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All mothers are working mothers.
Phyllis Diller
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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
Phyllis Diller
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
Phyllis Diller
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
Phyllis Diller
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Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
Phyllis Diller
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller
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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
Phyllis Diller
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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
Phyllis Diller
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
Phyllis Diller
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... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
Phyllis Diller
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
Phyllis Diller
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Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
Phyllis Diller