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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Plans
Beauty
Year
Give
Giving
Years
Never
Plan
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
Phyllis Diller
I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
Phyllis Diller
How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
Phyllis Diller
My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
Phyllis Diller
It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
Phyllis Diller
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
Phyllis Diller
He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
Phyllis Diller
I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
Phyllis Diller
My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
Phyllis Diller
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
Phyllis Diller
Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
Phyllis Diller
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
Phyllis Diller
My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
Phyllis Diller
I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
Phyllis Diller
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
Phyllis Diller
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
Phyllis Diller
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
Phyllis Diller
When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
Phyllis Diller
My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
Phyllis Diller
Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
Phyllis Diller
