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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Sister
Dress
Dresses
Law
Stripe
Striped
Stripes
Skinny

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We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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self-pity is better than none.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
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