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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Dress
Dresses
Law
Stripe
Striped
Stripes
Skinny
Sister
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
Phyllis Diller
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
Phyllis Diller
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
Phyllis Diller
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
Phyllis Diller
I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
Phyllis Diller
Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
Phyllis Diller
If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
Phyllis Diller
