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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Stripe
Striped
Stripes
Skinny
Sister
Dress
Dresses
Law

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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
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