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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Law
Stripe
Striped
Stripes
Skinny
Sister
Dress
Dresses

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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
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