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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Stripes
Skinny
Sister
Dress
Dresses
Law
Stripe
Striped

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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
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It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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