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I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: I'm not losing a son I'm gaining a couch.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Mother
Couch
Couches
Wedding
Lazy
Son
Losing
Husband
Suspected
Told
Gaining

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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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self-pity is better than none.
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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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