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I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: I'm not losing a son I'm gaining a couch.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Lazy
Son
Losing
Husband
Suspected
Told
Gaining
Mother
Couch
Couches
Wedding

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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
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