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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Middle
Age
Woman
Used
Think
Dip
Thinking
Cocktail
Cocktails
Spread

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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
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Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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