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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Thinking
Cocktail
Cocktails
Spread
Middle
Age
Woman
Used
Think
Dip

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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
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When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
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There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
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When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
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