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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Asked
Blades
Baby
Grab
Fans
Hospital
Turn
Hospitals
Turns
Electric
Sacks
Mother
Heads
Ugliest
World
Folks
Blade
Leaving
Photos
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
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Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller
My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
Phyllis Diller
When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
Phyllis Diller
I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
Phyllis Diller
