Quote

I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Turn
Hospitals
Turns
Electric
Sacks
Mother
Heads
Ugliest
World
Folks
Blade
Leaving
Photos
Asked
Blades
Baby
Grab
Fans
Hospital

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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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