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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Turn
Hospitals
Turns
Electric
Sacks
Mother
Heads
Ugliest
World
Folks
Blade
Leaving
Photos
Asked
Blades
Baby
Grab
Fans
Hospital
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
Phyllis Diller
Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
Phyllis Diller
I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
Phyllis Diller
Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
Phyllis Diller
All mothers are working mothers.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
Phyllis Diller
... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
Phyllis Diller
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
Phyllis Diller
Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
Phyllis Diller
If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
Phyllis Diller
He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
Phyllis Diller
