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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Practice
Work
Life

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
Phyllis Diller
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
Phyllis Diller
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
Phyllis Diller
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
Phyllis Diller
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
Phyllis Diller
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Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
Phyllis Diller
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
Phyllis Diller
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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
Phyllis Diller
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
Phyllis Diller
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He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
Phyllis Diller
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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
Phyllis Diller
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
Phyllis Diller
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
Phyllis Diller
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
Phyllis Diller
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
Phyllis Diller
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
Phyllis Diller
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
Phyllis Diller
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
Phyllis Diller