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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Humor
Comedy
Funny
Identical
Timing
Involves
Sex

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
Phyllis Diller
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
Phyllis Diller
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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
Phyllis Diller
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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
Phyllis Diller
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
Phyllis Diller
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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
Phyllis Diller
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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
Phyllis Diller
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
Phyllis Diller
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
Phyllis Diller
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Phyllis Diller
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I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
Phyllis Diller
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
Phyllis Diller
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... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
Phyllis Diller
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Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
Phyllis Diller
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
Phyllis Diller
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
Phyllis Diller
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
Phyllis Diller
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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
Phyllis Diller