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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Doctors
Support
Family
Physician
Physicians
Doctor
Treats

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If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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